


What Should Have Happened

by Salt_Teen



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt Gavin Reed, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-04-24 10:17:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19171261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salt_Teen/pseuds/Salt_Teen
Summary: Several things weren't supposed to happen today. The first of which was waking up.Gavin supposes that's just his luck.





	What Should Have Happened

     Gavin woke up. He wasn't supposed to, he was supposed to die. But here he was still sucking in air. Here he was- groggy and awake- and he couldn't tell if he was relieved or pissed about it.

     Gavin woke up, his arms stinging, his head a bit light, the cool tile floor beneath him, and the sound of his phone ringing.

     He wasn't supposed to be alive to answer it, to be annoyed by how loud it seems because of his headache, but he finds himself doing just that anyway.

     "You're late, Reed. I expect you to be down here soon."

     And he wasn't supposed to be able to answer that, but life's funny like that. He knows he should take at least the day off, but nothing else is going how it should today. Why should this?

     "Got it," it sounds like someone else is saying it.

     So with that, he gets up, head spinning and static running over his eyes. He grips the edge of the bathroom sink with desperation. He  _shouldn't_ be here, but he is.

     Gavin dearly hopes whatever god might be out there was getting a kick out of his miserable failure.

     He cleans himself up some, cleaning the cuts on his forearms and wrapping them tightly with gauze. He idly notes to himself that he only  _has_ any gauze in the first place because he frequently gets into random fights.

     His reflection stares back at him, tired looking and pale. But he doesn't care, he's walked into work in far worse physical condition before. Not like anyone else would care. He's made sure of that one. That was the main reason he didn't write a note of some sort.

     He didn't have anything to say, and he was certain that no one would bother to read it. Scared that they wouldn't believe what he'd say if he wrote something down. No one would care about it because he brought it on himself.

     He shrugs on his jacket, noting how clammy his hands feel.

     Gavin purposely leaves the bathroom floor covered in blood when he leaves. He doesn't have time right now, and he'll have all the time in the world to kick himself about it after work.

     And so he drives to work, on this day that wasn't supposed to happen.

 

* * *

 

     Hank is the first one to say anything to him, "Thought it was my job to show up to work late, looking like shit."

     And normally Gavin would say something back, but he finds himself just sighing and walking to the break room to make coffee. He pauses for a moment while he waits for it to brew to marvel at his shaking hands. They're his and he's still walking around, able to use them.

     He's not sure if he despises or appreciates that fact.

     "You look dead on your feet," Chris teases him from the other side of the break room.

     Gavin just nods vaguely, concentrating on the warmth underneath his fingers, "This coffee is almost worth being here today."

     Chris laughs, and Gavin nervously laughs with him. He tries to ignore how sweaty he feels.

     He walks to his desk. Nines is sitting there, presumably doing work he was supposed to do. Work he wasn't supposed to be here to do.

     "Detective Reed? You look lost, and unwell," Nines pauses what he was doing to address Gavin.

     "I'm great. Just- uh- drinking- drinking this coffee."

     Nines stands up, allowing Gavin to take his seat. He expects that to be the end of this interaction, but Nines hovers next to his desk. It makes him paranoid.

     "Detective, you seem out of it, are you sick? Is that what caused your late arrival?"

     "I'm fine, tin can, quit bothering me."

     "You're sweating profusely."

     Gavin doesn't say anything to that, he just wipes more sweat off of his brow and wipes it on his pant leg.

     "Go bother Hank or something, Jesus."

     Nines finally walks away, Gavin feels a little better. He tries to start working but he's finding it increasingly difficult to focus on the task at hand. Mainly because there is a task at hand at all.

     He's upset that he's still alive, but he's not sure when or  _if_ he'll try again.

     Despite having actually been asleep the previous night, he feels drained.

 

* * *

 

     He  _knows_ he should be waiting until he's home to change the gauze around his arms, but he's not. He knows a lot of things, and all of them have been wrong today. He must have expected it though, or he wouldn't have brought more gauze with him in the first place.

     He considers attempting to bury the gauze better in the bathroom trashcan, but he doesn't. He just  _cannot_ be bothered. Not today. He just wants to get out of here before someone sees him with it.

     Gavin walks back to his desk and tries not to fall asleep while he works.

 

* * *

 

     "Connor! Get over here for a minute!"

     Connor looks over at Hank, who is standing near the entrance to the restroom. He looks mildly concerned about something. Connor quickly makes his way over to the Lieutenant.

     "What do you need, Hank?"

     "You can do that uh- blood analyzing thing, right?"

     "You've seen me do it, but yes. I can."

     "I need you to do that right now," Hank grabs his arms and pulls him into the bathroom. A heap of discarded and bloody gauze is piled next to a sink.

     "Was this just lying here?"

     "Found it in the trash."

     Connor nods and presses his fingers over the gauze, collecting some of the blood. Hank grimaces, but says nothing as Connor brings it to his mouth for analysis.

      **Blood - DNA Analysis: REED, Gavin - Sample Date: 56 minutes**

     "Whoes is it?"

     ". . . It's Detective Reed's."

     The pair stare at each other in confusion for a minute before Hank picks up the gauze and leaves the restroom. Connor trails behind him.

 

* * *

 

     "Wanna explain this, Reed?"

     Gavin takes one look at the used bandages and blanches. He turns back to his work, wide-eyed and panicked.

     "No clue what you're talking about, Anderson."

     "No point in lying, Gavin, I had Connor analyze it."

     Hank didn't think it was possible for the man in front of him to grow even paler, but Gavin does it. His hands pause and his eyes almost glaze over.

     "Fine, you caught me. It's mine. Can I go back to work, or are you still interrogating me?"

     "That's a lot of blood, Gavin. Where'd it come from?"

     Gavin glares at Hank, " I-I got into a fight, okay? Leave me alone."

     "You sure you shouldn't be at a hospital?"

     "Why would I be? I'm here, aren't I? Working, moving, a-and-" he lets out a shaky sigh, "What more do you want from me?"

     Gavin picks at the gauze poking out from under his jacket sleeve, which he's sure Hank has already noticed. If he didn't he just called attention to it, and he doesn't feel like reading the old man's face to figure out which it is.

     Hank raises his hands in defeat, "Okay, just don't bleed out at your desk or something."

     Gavin scoffs at this and continues to work, missing the narrowing of Hank's eyes at him. Hank walks back to his desk. Connor, who no one realized was there, stands awkwardly, trying to decide if trying to question Gavin is worth it.

     He decides against it and goes back to doing his own work.

 

* * *

 

     Gavin is. . .

      ~~light-headed, dizzy, angry, thankful~~

     Still bleeding.

     When he woke up that morning, everything was mostly scabbed over. When he'd put gauze over everything, they seemed to re-open. Not ideal, but he won't complain as long as he can hide it long enough to bleed to death before he's caught. He's hoping it happens sooner rather than later, before he has to go home. He could just fall asleep at his job and never wake up again. That would be great.

     His job is the one redeemable thing about him.

    He feels like he's on fire, the room is hot and stuffy. He's sweating and he can't take off his jacket. He rubs his eyes, trying desperately to stay focused. He's made some progress on work over the day. Enough, just enough to not be ridiculed. He's shaking, with what, he's not sure. 

     "Detective? Your heart rate and breathing are escalated. Is there something wrong?"

     Gavin doesn't answer Nines, he just stands up. His head is reeling and he clutches the desk for support. Nines holds him steady, unsure of what exactly to do.

     "Your temperature is below average, you may need to seek medical attention."

     "Beat it, you plastic prick. I'm an adult, I can take care of myself."

     "Reed, it's very obvious that's not the case."

     Gavin looks at Nines, that's the first time he's referred to him as anything but Detective. He's not sure how that makes him feel, but he moves away from Nines regardless. Well, he tries to. One of his knees buckles under him and he spills onto the ground.

     "Detective!"

     Several people are looking at him when he stands back up, he sits back down and tries to ignore them. He tries to ignore the stinging in his arms, and the feeling of more blood seeping from them. 

     Just a couple more hours.

     He starts to nod off, tired and dizzy.

 

* * *

 

     Hank wakes up Gavin with a decisive flick to the bridge of his nose.

     He jolts up in his seat, looking around in confusion. His eyes, after a couple seconds too long, settle on Hank.

     "What- what the _fuck_ , Anderson?" his voice doesn't have any bite to it, it's more confused than anything.

     "Sorry, Detective," Nines pipes up from beside him, "I asked him to wake you. You were breathing quite shallowly before."

     Gavin just looks between the two of them in a vaguely annoyed manner, "What is it, bother Gavin day?"

     He wants to punch them. If they'd just let him sleep longer, he probably wouldn't have to wake up again. But here they are, interrupting him.

     "Listen, Reed," Hank leans forward, his hands on the desk, "If you don't start explaining some stuff, I'm gonna have to get more aggressive with you."

     Gavin looks at the time, his shift is over in about twenty minutes.

     He's going to leave early, go home, and then die properly this time. He doesn't care if they try to stop him, or if he'll get in trouble for it because it won't matter once he gets home. None of it will matter.

     He stands up from his desk, takes about two steps forward and collapses. Black spots dance in his vision, and he's hopeful that maybe he won't even have to go all the way home. Gavin doesn't fight it, even as he hears someone calling his name.

 

* * *

 

     Gavin wakes up again.

     He wants to  ~~laugh, scream, cry,~~ forget everything and hide in his room for a while. His limbs ache with this specific kind of tiredness that makes him want to slip into a coma. The insides of his eyelids are red from the light outside them.

     "He's awake," the voice belongs to one of the two androids and Gavin doesn't care enough to figure out which one.

     The room goes silent and Gavin is suddenly aware that someone had been pacing across the floor.

     Even though he's prepared, he still grimaces at the light in the room when he opens his eyes.

     "Shoulda fuckin' stayed home today," he grumbles under his breath.

     "Morning,  _princess._ "

     Gavin feels mildly hurt at Hank's tone of voice, "Don't patronize me, Hank."

     He doesn't look at the other three in the room. He doesn't want to be here, he wants to be dead. Or maybe he doesn't. He doesn't really know anymore.

     "Why didn't you come talk to me?" Hank sounds like what Gavin assumes a concerned father would sound like.

     Not that Gavin would know, "Didn't think you'd care."

     "Gavin, you almost died! I-"

     "You didn't talk to me," Gavin thinks it might have been easier to say if he'd shouted it.

     Hank falls silent, looking away. Nines stares at Gavin from where he's standing, Connor looks at him coolly.

     "There's nothing to talk about, okay? Nothing's going on, nothing's new, everything's fine."

     "If everything's fine, why were you trying to kill yourself?"

     Gavin grimaces at Connor's words. Those words are harsh. Definite. He doesn't like the way they tumble and swirl around in his head, and he doesn't even want to think about saying them out loud. He doesn't want to think about it at all. Gavin wants to move on, and if he tries to do it again that's his own business.

     "I don't know, easier that way."

     "What's easier?" Connor folds his hands in his lap.

     "It's better if others don't have to deal with me."

     The android presses on, "Why do you say that?"

     Gavin crosses his arms, "Why do you care,  _Connor?_ Thought our hatred was mutual."

     "It was until I had to call an ambulance for you because you collapsed onto the floor."

     "I don't want you're fuckin' pity, tin can."

     "You don't have it, you have my concern. I know full well you're capable of handling yourself. This was," Connor pauses, and continues quietly, "I was worried."

     Gavin huffs a short laugh, but there's nothing behind it. Even to his own ears, it sounds hollow and numb. 

     Hank stands up, "I know you're not gonna talk to me right now, kid. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

     Connor and Nines share a brief glance, both of their LEDs cycling yellow for a second, "Goodbye, Detective Reed. I hope you find someone you can trust enough to talk with."

     The tin can and Hank walk out of the room. For a second everything is quiet, Nines' foot taps impatiently on the floor. Gavin doesn't like it, it makes him nervous. 

     "Why do you pretend to hate Hank so much?"

     The question is so sudden that Gavin has to take a minute to respond.

     "I'm not pretending. I've hated him for years _._  I think I know how I feel about him, plastic prick."

     Nines laughs sadly, "No you don't. I've seen how you look at things you hate. At some of the crime scenes we visit, and some of the criminals you arrest, at Connor, at-" his face scrunches up slightly before he continues, "at me. You don't look at Hank like that."

     "What the fuck are you getting at?"

     "You have everyone convinced, Gavin. Just not yourself."

     Something squeezes in Gavin's chest when Nines says his name. It feels like a handful of worms being crushed in a five-year-old's fist. That's what all of his organs feel like right now, worms.

     "Shut up. You don't know  _anything_ about me."

     "No, I don't," Nines sighs, sitting down in one of the now vacant chairs, "I wish you'd let me learn."

     "There's not much to learn," Gavin scoffs, "I'm just an asshole with a death wish."

     The two sit in silence for a few minutes. It's not uncomfortable, but it certainly isn't pleasant either. Gavin watches the LED on Nines' temple switch from blue to yellow and back again. He takes a deep sigh and runs his hands over his face.

     "I only did this because I knew no one would care, and then you three assholes have to throw a monkey wrench into my plan by pretending you do. . . It's nice of you, but I'd appreciate it if you stopped. It hurts less that way."

     The android's LED flashes bright crimson for a second, shifting back to blue just as fast as it had gone red.

     "Gavin-" Nines looks at him in utter disbelief, "we- we're not pretending."

     "You don't have to lie to me," he smiles sadly, even though tears sting his eyes, "I already know."

     "We're not pretending.  _I'm_ not pretending!"

     "Yes!" Gavin says much louder than he planned, "You are! You're not any different from any of them! Every time it's the same and I end up alone again!"

     The man keeps eye contact, seething slightly. Hot tears begin to slide down his face, he doesn't bother with trying to wipe them away.

     "How do I prove I'm not lying to you?"

     "God, you just don't get it, do you? I've done nothing but push everyone away and you're still here! What are you trying to get from this? What do you want from me?"

     Nines' LED flashes red again, but this time it goes back to yellow instead of blue. Once again the room is silent, no tapping feet or sighs or anything. Just the stifling silence. Gavin feels like he can't take it, his stomach is doing flips and his head isn't doing much better.

      ~~He's going to try again as soon as possible.~~

     The thought makes him gag and he's sure if he had anything in his stomach he would have thrown up. His hands feel sweaty again.

     "Are you okay?"

     Gavin looks at Nines, but his eyes don't process anything in front of him. He's so fucking tired. Of himself, of living, of knowing that  _everybody_ despises him. He's tired of knowing that he's an awful person and he's tired of doing nothing about it.

     The one time he tries to do something he fails. Just like everything else, just like everyone else.

     "I'm fine, tin can."

     Gavin isn't, his voice comes out breathy and cracks halfway through. He's still crying and he doesn't know why. This isn't anything different than all those times before. He's weak, he's weak and he doesn't want to admit it.

     The android places his hand gently on Gavin's shoulder. His eyes are stern but comforting.

     "Gavin, are you okay?"

     ". . . No. No, I'm not."

     "That's okay."

     Something small lightens in his stomach at those words.

     Nines scoots his chair close and opens his arms, asking for a hug.

     At first, Gavin wants to decline, but then he thinks about how  _long_ it's been since he's had a hug. Or really any physical contact at all. Nines pulls him closer to him. Gavin relaxes into it, staring at the wall behind the other's shoulder. 

     "It's selfish for someone like me to want this."

     Nines grip on him tightens a little, "Then I guess you'll have to let me be selfish too."

     "What do you mean?"

     "I want to be there for you. I want you to feel like someone cares about you."

     And just like before everything is quiet, but now it doesn't feel strained. Everything catches up with Gavin and he finds himself falling asleep.

     This is far from over, but for now, he's done.

     He knows he's only entertaining the idea because he's tired, but maybe he could let Nines do this.

     It would be very nice to have someone care about him for once.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] What should have happened](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22845598) by [HikariYumisPodfics (HikariYumi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumisPodfics)




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